Ryou's Rant
by RhiDaBatch3
Summary: When Ryou really needs someone to remind him what it means to be 'human', everybody seems to turn their back on him and leave.


Isn't it rather ironic how the one thing that makes you so sad and so full of this dark deep depressing feeling is also the only thing that gives you any comfort? Maybe it's sadistic or in the very least messed up. Perhaps it's just because dad and the others are right. I might truly be so messed up in the head that stuff in my life would be worked out if I saw a shrink. But how can one thing unravel so much that it just leads to this entire thing falling apart at the seams and I'm left alone and broken? How can I be the only one who is affected and hurt by this while the others move on like nothing's wrong? How can they look at me like I'm the one with the problem and leave me? Why when I need someone to lean on, someone to hold me and say it'll all be okay, someone to just look at me and remind me for even half a second that I am human, does everybody decide to call it quits and leave?

It's… It's not fair. It really and truly isn't! Yes that's a selfish thing to say but it really is not fair! I was there for everyone. I was anyone's shoulder to cry on when they needed it and the one who would drop everything for a friend in need. But when I, just this once even, really could use someone to lean on, nobodies there and they all treat me like I'm just some cry baby little boy who isn't even worth the effort it needs to have a friendship. Tell me, please, how that is supposed to feel? Please somebody just answer me why I can and want to be there for someone but when it's me, it's like 'comforting' is a foreign concept no one had heard of.

Okay no I never hinted that I would appreciate this back but my bad. I just assumed being a 'friend' meant that you were there for them and vice versa. I wasn't aware it meant you have to be there for them at all hours of the year but when you so much as want to talk about something, they aren't required to do a thing. No, they get to stand there, act like they have no idea what you are talking about, then go be happy and marry with their other friends and rub it in your face. Maybe I did that too? "Do one to other how you want to be treated" right? Maybe without knowing or meaning to I was such a bloody bastard I offended all of my so called 'friends' and that's why they can do this to me.

When I said I couldn't make it to the movies and you should go with Mariku, I was hoping you would realize how badly I wanted to go and just put it off one more day. I thought that you would remember that I was the one who offered this idea and that I was the one who wanted to see it so badly. Malik I really thought you cared enough to see though me and were able to read me. I honestly thought you could tell when I needed a friend and when I was about to cry. I thought for sure you were the one person in this world who cared about me enough to just wait a few more days to see a blasted movie! The last thing I expected was for you to go with someone I really dislike and then rub it in my face. No, in your defense you didn't do it purposely, but blowing up facebook with how much fun you have with Mariku, it really hurt Malik…

I thought for sure after three weeks of not talking you would be slamming my front door down with a bucket of popcorn and sweets in one hand and a collection of Zombie movies in the other. I seriously thought you knew me so well that no matter what you'd read though any act I put up and would be by my side. At the very least I thought you would know that if I'm not talking, I need someone. I need someone to remind me that I'm not alone. But that's not the case anymore is it? When I asked if we could talk, you blew me off saying you had plans with Mariku and that I needed to stop being such a 'tidy baby'. I wish you could see Mariku for who he is. He's using you and it hurt so much to know this and you still adore the ground he walkes on. I didn't say anything because I want you to be happy Malik. I didn't want you to hate me or think I was just being jealous. I was so worried about you… But I guess I just wasted my life and time didn't I? You don't care about if I was worried as long as you got fucked. "Shit Ryou mind your own damn business and stop being so fucking jealous!" Maybe I was a little envious of the amount of time you were spending with him but Malik I truly worried about you. But you told me to stay away, stop bothering you, and leave you the heck alone. So I will. Nice to know you have my back after everything I did for you.

The five of you may as well just played me like a puppet because that's all I was. All you ever needed of me was to keep tabs on the 'evil spirit inside of the sennen ring' and to have someone do your homework. None of you cared about me. None of you are here with me when I'm sitting here crying and alone after all of this. You couldn't care less. Bakura may be a monster, but you, Atemu, are no different. You know so well how I feel. I know you do. And you just sit there laughing with the others while I sit alone. How can you call me a friend when we all know none of you would give me a second thought if I were to disappear? Oh I suppose that's a lie. When a big test came up, I'm sure you would then realize my absence. I can remember once I was ever included in your little group and that was when the Sennen Ring led the way out of the care back in Duelist Kingdom. Oh yes then Jou and Honda considered me a buddy. Then Anzu decided that I had another name other then 'him' or 'you' and to add me into those little friendship speeches. But Yuugi… I never would have thought this of you. Of all of the people in my life, I thought I could call you and you would at least hear me out. But I was wrong on that account too.

And you… All I ever did for you was love you! Sure I was too shy to tell you but look what all I did! I gave you my body to control, I let you hurt my friends, I even sat there with the Sennen Ring dug into my chest in silence just to prove to you that I was loyal! And when you needed an ear to listen to you vent or get stuff off your chest, yell about Atemu and him defeating you or Malik sleeping around, all I did was sit there and listen. I gave you something that I've never ever gotten from you. I listened and cared. I understand if you don't love me. I honestly do. But when I'm broken, lost my best friend, have nowhere else to go, all I wanted was for someone to sit and listen. Just for someone to look me in the eye as I explained what had me so upset. Is that really showing too much emotion that you couldn't even pretend? You didn't even have to really be listening! I reached up crying with nowhere else to go and you swatted my hand away calling me weak and slamming the door in my face. What did I do? I wish you would tell me what the heck I did for you to be so frustrated with me! I want to know why you can't love me! I want to know why you can't care! I want to know why you feel you can use and abuse me like you did but when I needed you, you can shut the door in my face!

Yes I'm weak and I'm 'girly' and I don't know how to defend myself. But at least I can keep up my rage, anger, despair, desperation, jealousy, and other emotions under wraps and only let you see the happy ones. I force a smile no matter what and you look right past it but do nothing to fix it. Why? Why do you honestly not care if I live or die? Am I that worthless that now since you don't need me, you can just watch me kill myself from the inside out? Atemu says you are a monster. He says you won't ever change and I waste my time hoping to see some sliver of change. I couldn't accept that. I always told him he was wrong and that you, deep down, weren't really like that. Oh how was I ever wrong Bakura. You are nothing like the person I thought you were.

So thank you, friends. For once again you have proven to me that my mother was right. There is no point here for me and that I truly am a waste of space. Even my own Yami and Best Friend don't care about me. Light and Dark aren't supposed to be able to survive without the other but apparently I'm not even good at being a 'light' for my own darkness. Maybe dear old mum had a point when she drank. It apparently is the only way to deal with this! So thank you. All of you. You've thought me that no there is no point in 'friends'. Trust is just a silly little thing you only do when you WANT your heart to be broken into many pieces. Thank you for showing me that the world really is a dark fucking hell that dims even the brightest of lights. I'm not even being sarcastic. Thank you all for betraying my trust, abandoning me when I needed you most, and proving Bakura correct. "Friendship is just something those weak at heart do to fool themselves into a false sense of security."

But you know what? Even knowing all of this, nothing would make me happier then to have Malik burst in and tackle me with those hugs that make me remember somebody out there cares. To have Yuugi and them sit with me at lunch and laugh. Even if it is just to get my homework, for that split second I feel like I am part of a group. But most of all, what would make me so happy, is to see you, Bakura. Just to have you sit on the counter while I cook, lie in my bed while I do my homework, just… be around me. That, of everything else, would make me be so happy… Just to have you around me and… to just listen for a few minutes. But, that is also what hurts so so much. I know none of you really mean it when you laugh with me at lunch. I know you don't really want to go watch a movie with me Malik. And I know you will never care about me like I do you. And as happy as it makes me to be with all of you, it hurts knowing you couldn't care less…

…

**NOTE:** Pint up rage and depression leads to Ryou angst. Sorry about that. And no, he's not killing himself or anything. He's just coming to the conclusion that even the Best of Friends can 'fuck you over'. I wanted to work on my other story but I currently just ran into a huge stressful block and obviously have nobody to talk this through with so I made Ryou put what I wish I could tell someone into words. Maybe, just MAYBE if things start to look up I'll give this a second chapter and turn it around, but as of now, it's a sad lil' one-shot. I might not even keep it up much longer honestly…


End file.
